Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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