i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It's never too late to be topless.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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