Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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