The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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