It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
