i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
