Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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