i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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