so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize