The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I lost the right to judge tonight
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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