I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
