I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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