there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
