dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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