i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
