I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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