he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
