You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
