Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
