She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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