Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
