Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
