i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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