69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
