I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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