Don't make out with my wife yet
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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