There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
