It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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