I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
