O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
