We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
