sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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