I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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