He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
barbara walters just said penis...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize