Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Green mimosas i think yes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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