Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
