i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Randomize