how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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