I want to make a zoo with you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
