chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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