I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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