Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
