some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize