No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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