dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize