Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
