What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Terrible idea I love it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
