started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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