please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
