i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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