omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
