You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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