I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize