Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
