Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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