we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your penis caused this!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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