Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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