It was confusing and full of hummus
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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