the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
