Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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