he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
