someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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