i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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