Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
