Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
