Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize