in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
