Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
