you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
