oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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