This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is Oprah even human
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
