i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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