Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
