I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
