so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
