More tranny stories later!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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